The blink in text

The darkest night produces the brightest stars.

Everyone gets lonely sometimes, but it’s hard to express those feelings to someone else. You may begin to lose hope for the future and find it hard to enjoy other aspects in life. Perhaps you’ve tried, but failed to find solutions, and you worry that you’ll continue to feel this sad forever. This is a horrible situation to be in, but the good news is that it is solvable. Overcoming loneliness requires mindfulness and a lot of effort. It is certainly possible to solve this puzzle in you whether you consistently feel depressed, or you’re trying to overcome the loneliness of being single or you just don’t know why you feel lost at the moment.

Instead of listen to understand, I listen to reply. I also rely on others to value me instead of me valuing myself. I outlook things that I don’t have instead of appreciating what I’ve already had in hands. Sometimes it’s hard to admit my own mistakes. I admit it that I can’t do it all on my own. I admit to myself that I pushed away the people I loved most. I pushed them just far enough along the borders of my own selfishness, and I only reach out for them when it was convenient for me. I fooled them into thinking my plans on being independent were actually working. I fooled myself into thinking that what I was doing was actually called a success. But success means nothing when you don’t have anyone to share and celebrate it with. I lost the people I loved most with my mistakes.

I wish to mend those relationships that I broke, and correct those mistakes with my sincere apologies. It’s time to stop defending the knowledge I didn’t have, and accept the unknown. It’s okay to not have everything figured out. I now turned my sorrow into motivation. Trying to make something out of what I was given. I always looked forward to what my life could be instead of appreciating what is happening to me right now. I always think about what should have been in the unknown future.

But, the truth is all we have is now.

I asked myself how could it feels like to be truly happy if everything fell into place instead of being happy with how my life was at that moment. I know now that I don’t have everything figured out. And that’s okay. Admitting that is the first step in actually having it all together.

Maybe you should try out and explore different paths until you find the right one. It gives you perspective and purpose in life. You will find out things about yourself, little by little. Your experiences shape your identity, and prepare you for even bigger challenges. Challenges that you’ll welcome with open arms because your failures have already made you stronger. It’s okay to feel like you don’t have it all together. No one does. And if they do, they’re very good at faking it.

For someone like me who is an inexpressible and introverted, I don’t have to imagine because that’s how I often feel. It’s like I must keep expressing literally and figuratively. I must fill conversation to stave off the dreaded silence, which somehow always feels like it’s my fault. I must initiate and maintain friendships to keep them from fading away. Still, despite my best efforts, I feel burdensome and expendable, stuck on the outside looking out for more opportunities. Am I really as alone and useless as i feel? And if not, why does it feel like I’m so difficult to shake and convinced even when people try to motivate and push me to share my feelings. More importantly, how can I find the strength to share when all I want is to withdraw from the questions I’m being asked all the time?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s