The darkest night produces the brightest stars.
Everyone gets lonely sometimes, but it is hard to express those feelings to someone else. You may begin to lose hope for the future and find it hard to enjoy other aspects in life. Perhaps you have tried, but failed to find the ways out, and you worry that you will continue to feel this sad forever. This is a horrible situation to be in, but the good news is that it is solvable.
Overcoming loneliness requires mindfulness and a lot of efforts. It is certainly possible to solve this puzzle in you whether you consistently feel depressed, or you are trying to overcome the loneliness of being single or you just do not know why you feel lost at the moment.
Instead of listening to understand, I listen to reply. I also rely on others to value me instead of me valuing myself. I outlook things that I do not have instead of appreciating what I have already had in hands. Sometimes, it is hard to admit my own mistakes. I admit that I cannot do it all on my own. I admit to myself that I have pushed away the people I loved most. I have pushed them just far enough along the borders of my own selfishness, and I only reach out for them when it was convenient for me. I fooled them into thinking my plans on being independent were actually working. I fooled myself into thinking that what I was doing was actually called a success. Yet, success means nothing when you do not have anyone to share and celebrate with. I lost the people I loved the most with my own mistakes.
I wish I could go back in time to mend those relationships that I broke, and correct those mistakes with my sincere apologies. It is time to stop defending the knowledge I did not have and accept the unknown.
However, it is okay to not have everything figured out. I now turn my sorrow into motivation, trying to make something out of what I was given. I always looked forward to what my life could be instead of appreciating what is happening to me right now. I always think about what should have been in the unknown future.
But, the truth is all we have is now.
I asked myself of how it felt like to be truly happy if everything fell into places instead of being happy with how my life was at that moment.
I know now that I do not have everything figured out, and that is okay. Admitting that this is the first step in actually having it all together.
Maybe you should try out and explore different paths until you find the right one. It gives you perspectives and purposes in life. You will find out things about yourself little by little. Your experiences shape your identity and prepare you for even bigger challenges. Challenges that you will welcome with open arms because your failures have already made you stronger. It is okay to feel like you do not have it all together. No one does. And if they do, they are very good at faking it.
For someone like me who is an inexpressible and introverted, I do not have to imagine because that is how I often feel. It is like I must keep expressing literally and figuratively. I must fill conversation to stave off the dreaded silence which somehow always feels like it is my fault. I must initiate and maintain friendships to keep them from fading away. Still, despite my best efforts, I feel burdensome and expendable stuck on the outside looking out for more opportunities.
Am I really as alone and useless as I feel? And if not, why does it feel like it is so difficult to shake and convinced even when people try to motivate and push me to share my feelings. More importantly, how can I find the strength to share when all I want is to withdraw from the questions I am being asked all the time?