10 Lessons Learnt From Heartbreak


Romance is a combination of love and heartbreak.
Heartbreak is something no one would like to experience, but it is inevitable. We cannot expect that there is no heartbreak at all once we fall in love with somebody. More or less, heartbreak is always here and there just to remind us that there is no perfect relationship like those in fairy tales.

I have never thought I would sit down and think of all the pains I have been through before in order to write down the lessons I have learnt from it. Yet, it is great, isn’t it? At least, those painful moments have taught me to open my eyes wider to see the reality of the outside world.

The first lesson that I have learnt is it is okay to cry. No matter how strong you want other people to portray you to be, there is no right or wrong in expressing your pain through tears. Crying out does not mean you are weak; it means you are strong enough to accept your all the pains you are feeling. The more you try to keep it, the more you suffer. Therefore, just let it out, and I promise you, everything is going to be alright after.

Second, feeling is not something can be controlled. You cannot control your feeling not to love someone; also, you cannot order someone to love you back the same amount you do to them. Never beg someone to stay once you know they do not have the same feeling in return. You only hurt yourself by doing so. Of course, there are circumstances that make that person decide to stay, but the question is “What is the point of having them physically staying while being emotionally far away?” You cannot force something that is not meant to work out in the first place to work out. It does not work that way.

Third, be ready for the worst. Once again, life is not a fairy tale. No matter how beautiful it was in the beginning, no matter how much you two have been through, if the person decides not to choose you anymore, it is over. Like I have mentioned earlier, feeling cannot be forced. Accept the fact that it is normal that people just simply fall out of love with each other. I know that most people only talk about how they fall in love, but they never talk about why they fall out of love, which is bizarre to you to read this now, but yes you read that right. It is normal and sometimes there are no any logical and concrete reasons why this happen too.

Forth, you cannot change someone to be someone else you would like them to be if they are not willing to do so. This reminds me of a quote from the movie called “Crazy Rich Asians” in which Astrid speaks to her husband after they decide to divorce and the husband is still trying to put a blame on her for this failing marriage.

“It is not my job to make you feel like a man. I cannot make you something you are not.” 

Astrid – Crazy Rich Asians 

Then here comes to the fifth one. No matter how good you are, you cannot change a cheater. You only hurt yourself with all your own expectations. After all the attentions you give, and they still crave for more from others, then it is high time to move on.

Sixth, a relationship is supposed to be between two people fighting for each other, so there is no use to fight for it alone. It is better to let go of the rope which causes only pain and pain. Then there is another lesson learnt from “the Toy Story 4”:

“No matter how much you love someone, if you feel neglected or unappreciated, just go. If you allow yourself to be treated that way, then you are just a toy.”

Anonymous

Seventh, do not depend on others to fulfill your emotional needs. Most of us are greedy and needy; it will never be enough. Oftentimes, we hate to find out that we are wrong. We would put a blame on somebody else rather than sit down, reflect on what happened and accept what is. Remember that it is your own needs, so fulfilling your emotional needs is your own responsibility as well, not theirs.

Eighth, learn to forgive. I am not trying to convince you to reach enlightenment, but holding grudge is like you are holding a ball of fire in your chest. You will never be at peace. Forgive yourself for choosing the wrong person. It is okay to make mistakes and learn from them because no one is perfect after all. Forgiving associates with forgetting. If you are able to forgive, you will be able to forget later on. By then, you will find yourself moving on and keep moving forward to something that might be better. Your peace of mind is the most important thing you need to focus on at the moment.

Ninth, people say time will heal. It really does the job, but before you are healed, you will feel like it is the end of the world at first. It is painful, and I know it is hard to remember the life before you had that someone, but do not lose faith and trust in the universe. Surely, there is something greater planned ahead for you.

Last but not least, and it is the most important thing of all, never doubt your self-worth and learn to love yourself more. You are enough to the one who truly and surely love you from inside out. Self-love is the foundation of all relationships. If you cannot even love yourself, how can you love others? When you build this as a core, you will respect yourself enough to leave the table when respect is no longer being served. Then you will hurt less.

Take this time to reflect of what you have done. Take this time to learn about and discover yourself and your inner desire. Take this time as the golden opportunity to focus on yourself this time because you might have lost some parts of yourself in the process of loving somebody else.

Out of all the pains you have been through, thanks to them that make you stronger as a human being. Thank them for all the good memories despite the bad ones. You once enjoy the moments with each other, so why keep dwelling on the bad ones? I think it is not a bad idea to look at the positive side of everything happened in your life. By doing so, I believe you can move on and forward peacefully.

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